Film Pharmacy
David Templeton, CCH
Dear Film Pharmacist,
They say New Year’s Eve is about making resolutions and fresh starts. That’s all well and fine if one wants to change and grow—but I don’t. I want to stay exactly how I am. It’s taken me years to reach this point of personal perfection, and I’d be remiss if I mucked it up with some do-gooder self-improvement crap. Call me a curmudgeon, but I’m fine the way I am, thank you. To wit, I’m spending New Year’s Eve alone. Any films you might suggest that affirm my pro-stasis attitude? Surely, not every holiday film is about transformation and redemption.
Sincerely,
Same as it Ever Was in Sonoma
Dear Same,
I’m glad to hear you’ve achieved “personal perfection,” but I should warn you against talking trash against learning and growth. That, my fellow homo sapiens, is not cool. After all, learning is one thing humans can do that God can’t—he or she being all omniscient and everything. Truth is, even perfect people can enjoy and benefit from the acquisition of new ideas, skills and appetites. That said, there are a couple of good, potent movies about perfection that I would like to prescribe to you for your New Year’s celebration of yourself. In 1979’s All That Jazz, Bob Fosse explores one heart-diseased dancer’s quest for theatrical and artistic perfection, a state he never achieves until after he’s zipped into a body bag while Ethel Merman sings her head off about show business. Played by the late Roy Scheider, who once said he’d kiss a critic’s ass if the movie Blue Thunder didn’t set opening weekend records (It didn’t. Oops), Joe Gideon’s problem is that while he knows what perfection is, and knows he can get there with effort, he never really lets himself enjoy the successes he has created, focusing only on his failures. The recipe for happiness lies in mixing equal amounts of self-satisfaction and self-criticism. Another good dose of cinematic perfection is 1997’s Gattaca, in which a genetically non-superior dude from the future (Ethan Hawke), figures out how to pass himself off as A-grade material in order to become an astronaut. Not only is the film packed with close-ups of human dander and sloughed-off skin cells (showering down like New Year’s Eve confetti!), it’s a cool reminder that while perfection might be desirable in the world of art, in human beings, it’s kind of boring. So drink a toast to yourself this New Year’s Eve, Mr. or Ms. Same, and consider the final statement of Joe Gideon: “ZZZZZ-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-PP!”
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